


A Thousand Broken Pieces

by orphan_account



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, Bullying, Demisexual Character, Depression, Drama, Lesbian Character, Multi, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-13 12:03:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3380828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school is supposed to be a safe haven for it's students, however for Roxas it's a place where all of his worst nightmares dwell. Recovering from a debilitating assault that Roxas has kept to himself, he struggles in balancing his frequent nightmares and the start of his Junior year at high school. However a new student who sets his eyes on wooing him, sets him on a rollercoaster of self-discovery, family, relationships and recovering from tragedy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters that appear in Kingdom Hearts or anything related to the franchise only Square Enix has sole authority over that. I wish I did, but I don't.

It was cold.

Moonlight shined brightly in the cloudless sky and reflected off the surface of the snow that had fallen earlier that week. He stumbled through the snow, his arms wrapped around himself as the cold wind slapped at his naked torso. His bare feet came into contact with the snow, as he walked he sank further, until the snow came up to his ankles, causing him to struggle and attempt to pull his freezing feet from this cold beast. The snow was so thick and tight packed that all the struggling to pull his left foot free from the snow, caused him to lose his balance and fall face first into the snow. His fingers curled into the palm of his hands, his bottom lip quivered as he contemplated for the millionth time that night just giving up, lying where he was, and dying.

Faces flashed behind his mind's eye. The black floating faces that where above him, next to him, all over him, along with those hands that where all over him as well, touching him in places he never wanted to be touched before. Bile rose in his throat as the faces of his twin brother and friends flashed in his mind as well. What would they say when they learned that his dead body was found in the park? What were his parents going to say? What were they going to do?

He could almost see the face of his brother, his mirror image, staring down at him as his cold body lay on the slab of steel that was as cold as his dead skin. Why was he so stupid? Why didn't he just listen to his brother? Listen to his friends? They tried to tell him, but he had been to thickheaded, had been lulled in by false promises and look what had happened to him! He now lay in the snow; afraid, cold, and hungry. He twisted his body, staring at his foot as he wiggled it and pulled, until his foot was free of the snow. He pushed himself off the ground and continued his trek across the park. Small flurries started to fall down from the sky, coating his shoulders and falling into his hair, coating it in a thin layer of ice.

He continued to walk, until he came to a part of the park that was lined by oak trees, bare of all leaves and branches heavy with snow, bending under the weight, some of them so heavy with snow, they seemed ready to snap at a moment's notice. The temperature was dropping by the minute; the air was becoming chiller, and his fingers and toes were numb. Fear started to claw at his skin, scratching at his arms as it found its way to burrow deeper into his soul. His eyes widened as he remembered his cellphone. He rummaged in his front pockets, hoping that it was still there, his breathing started to pick up when he turned out empty pockets. He nearly cried in joy when he found the phone in his right back pocket instead. The phone screen lit up as he pressed the power button, a strangled cry was let out from his throat. The battery icon on his phone flashed repeatedly as it warned him that he had one percent left before it died.

Hot tears streamed down his face as he growled in frustration and launched his phone at a tree; it shattered to pieces on impact. He sat down in the snow, his fingers gripping clumps of his hair as choking sobs spilled from his throat. He was going to die here, alone in a totally deserted park because of his choice of company that already left him regretting this night. It was killing him, why hadn't he listened to his parents? His brother? His friends? They tried to make him see the truth before it was too late, but he was blind, ignorant to the truth. He was Oedipus, cursed to his fate, for his ignorance, cursed even after learning the inevitable truth.

He wanted to throw up. He wanted to die. This undeniable feeling bubbling within him made him feel like he was in that bathroom all over again. He shook his head furiously, tears still coursing down his cheeks as his mind replayed what had happened to him hours earlier.

"What are we doing here?" He looked up at the pink haired teen, whose only reply for him was a small smile.

The teens in front of him, all a year or two older than him. There were seven in this small group, including him. He had snuck out of the house; his parents had grounded him earlier that week when they had to pick him up from the police station because all of them had been caught shoplifting. That had made him angry, his parents did not get him, they had told him that his new friends were terrible influences, that the friends he already had were good enough for him. He thought his parents were wrong, they didn't get him nor did his brother or even his friends. The people who truly understood him were the ones he was with right now. Flurries of snow where beginning to fall from the sky, he shivered, wishing to himself that he had thought to bring a jacket before he snuck out.

"Cold?" The pink haired boy slipped an arm around his shoulder, peering down at him; he shook his head. "Well, you won't have to worry about the cold much longer. You'll be warm enough soon." There was a certain edge to his voice when he said that that made him pause, but he didn't think about it too much as the group arrived at the park's bathroom.

"The bathroom? I don't think the party's being held here."

"No. But there is a surprise in there, you'll see it if you just step inside."

He pushed open the door and walked into the bathroom, his group of friends walking in after him. He heard the door swung shut as he walked further into the appalling public restroom, that hadn't seemed like it had been cleaned in several days. His body felt wrong and out of place, his brain tingling and his fingers twitching as his eyes swiped over the expanse of the men's restroom. He felt sick to his stomach as the undeniable snake of fear and wrongness unfurled itself in his gut. He turned on his heels and was surprised to see, that two of his friends were blocking the restroom door, everyone else had formed a circle around him.

He laughed nervously as he looked each of his friends in their eyes. "Guys? Wh-what's going on here?"

The pink haired boy stepped forward, a reassuring smile on his face. He placed a hand on his shoulder. "What do you think? It's the party. Didn't you want to party?"

He shook his head, suddenly afraid, suddenly very much afraid. "I don't want to anymore. I just want to go home."

Those blue eyes that had seemed so friendly the first time they had met, the eyes that always held a mischievous look to them, narrowed. Turning as dark as the ocean whenever a bad storm was coming in. The hand that was on his shoulder tightened its grip, squeezing his shoulder so hard, that he winced in pain. "You're hurting me!" He cried out, but the pink haired teen seemed to ignore his shout. The once friendly gleam in his eyes had been replaced by a cold, emotionless stare that seemed to claw at every inch of him and left no place bare, his soul had been flayed with a knife, examined and inspected for another's use.

The pink haired boy frowned, but that was quickly replaced with another smile. "I thought you wanted to go to a party? Didn't you say you wanted to go to a party?"

There were tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "I just want to go home now." His voice trembled with fear.

The pink haired boy cocked his head to the side, his eye lids narrowed and his voice dripped with an almost mocking lilt to it. "Well we can't do that now. The party hasn't even started yet." He moved backwards, his legs and arms were shaking with fear. He nearly shrieked with fear as his back came into contact with a broad chest. He whirled around and began to freak out as his arms were pinned behind him. He stared up at the largest of the teens, big and strong for his age, he was more practical and morally righteous. "Don't do this!" He spluttered out. The pink haired teen was behind him, full lips pressed against his cheek for a quick second, before they moved to the outer shell of his ear, a small pink tongue darted out, tracing along the shell, before it retracted into the mouth of its owner. "You don't know what we're going to do to you, do you?" There was a chuckle. "Don't worry. You'll find out soon." Fear had taken over his entire body, causing him to shake, he turned his head and watched as his pink haired friend, walked away from him and leaned against a bathroom sink. Staring at him, as he uttered words that would haunt him. "I want him last. You can use him however you like."

One of his friends laughed," geez, you really are weird man. I guess I'll go first." His knees were kicked out from underneath him and he fell face first against the grimy tiled floor. His left cheek smushed against the cold tile. There were footsteps behind him and he felt his pants being tugged down, considering that the pants where loose for his small hips, it wasn't difficult. They were dragged down to his ankles. "Turn him over. I want to see his face as I fuck him." He was rolled onto his back, as his attacker moved closer to him; he lashed out with his foot, and felt a burst of satisfaction as his foot met soft flesh.

He gasped in pain as a fist came down into his face, momentarily washing everything in black. Strong hands gripped his thighs, pulling them apart. He let out a loud scream, hoping someone would hear him that anyone would hear him, his scream died slowly along with his hope. The tears he had held back started to flow. He heard the sound of metal against metal as his belt was unbuckled and the sound of cloth as his pants where pulled off and tossed to the side, his boxers soon followed. Large hands where placed on his buttocks, as fingers slipped in between a place he had never wanted to be touched. Faces became a blur-as black as pitch-as multiple hands loomed over him. Everything just became a never-ending nightmare, hands on his thigh, his head, his neck. Screams as loud as a wounded animal, hope crushed and gone, and finger shaped bruises all over his skin.

Thousands of thoughts had burned through his mind. Why him? What had he done? He deserved this. All of this. Every ounce of it. It was his fault. Every thought he had, just made him sick. It made him sad to be alive.

He didn't know where time ended or began, whether he was in hell or still on Earth. There were dried tear stains on his cheeks when they were finally done with him. His whole body felt gross, a dirty rag that had been used and tossed away. His eyes were glassy and dead as the people he had once called friends zipped up their pants around him. They started to file out of the bathroom, until the only two people left was him and the pink haired teen who had stayed leaning against the sink during the whole entire thing. He pushed himself off, and slowly sauntered over towards were the he laid. The pink haired teen stooped down, brushing away a lock of hair that had managed to fall into his face. "You look so cute all messed up like this." A thumb brushed across his cheek, leaving a burning path in it's wake. There was the sound of a zipper and the rustle of denim. "You're so cute, so I'll make this good for the both of us." As that disgusting thing was put inside him, tears seemed to fall from his eyes, like rain fell from the sky.

He struggled and screamed and attempted to push the pink haired teen off of him, but that only seemed to excite him even more, and caused him to move his hips quicker. Fingers slid underneath his head, tangling in the strands, his head was pulled back harshly as the pink haired teen jerked his hips forward one last time, his eyes squeezed shut as he finished his own pleasure. "You seemed to enjoy it." The pink haired teen had said, his fingers brushing against the now flaccid penis that lay on his stomach, swiping through the fluids that were there. His bottom lip quivered as the tears fell hot and fast, he pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes as the pink haired boy stood up, fixing himself as he peered down at his crying form. "I guess I'll see you at school then." With that said the pink haired teen left.

He laid there for a while, crying to himself. He somehow managed to push himself off of the floor. His legs felt weak and wobbled as he took small steps, his body felt sticky and gross; there was dried blood between his legs. He moved towards the bathroom sink and looked at himself in the mirror. His nose was broken, bent at a weird angle, there was dried blood covering his chest and lower face, along with other bodily fluids that stuck to his skin. His left eye was swollen and black, blue and green blotches dotted his chest and lower legs, there were large finger shaped bruises on his inner thighs. His fist came down onto the sink; he lifted his fist and slammed it down again, and again, and again. He didn't think he had any left, but tears managed to roll down his cheeks anyway. His fingers uncurled from the palm of his hands, as he clutched the sink desperately, his knuckles turning as white as the snow outside. He bit his bottom lip, hard enough that it drew blood, and he let out a single ear-piercing scream.

"Wake up!" Eyelids fluttered as the sleeping boy's brain lulled somewhere in between sleep and reality. Black hands and faces loomed over him and he let out another scream. His shoulder was gripped roughly by iron hands. "Roxas, wake up!" Roxas's eyes shot wide open, his bedsheets were tangled around his legs and his skin was clammy and cold, the white cotton shirt he usually wore to bed, clung to his sweat soaked skin. He looked around the dark room as best as he could, his arms where shaking, and he felt sick to his stomach.

"Roxas." His attention was drawn to his brother, who leaned close to his nightstand and turned on the lamp, which thankfully flooded the room in soft yellow light. His brother stared at him with worry written across his face. They were twins, they shared the same birthday, the same interests, and at times Roxas felt like he wasn't looking at another person, but a mirror of himself. Sora was peering at him, his hair shooting up in different directions and his eyes bleary as if he had just woken up.

"What's going on?"

"You woke me up with all your screaming, that's what's going on."

Roxas cracked him an apologetic smile that did little to ease the worried look on his brother's face. Sora sighed, and sat himself down on Roxas's bed. Sora grasped his brother's hand in his own and squeezed it gently. "Is something going on Roxas?"

Roxas shook his head as his mind flashed back to that cold bathroom park. "No. I just had a nightmare is all."

Sora's lips flattened out into a thin line, as he gave his brother a hard look. He nodded his head and got up from the bed, pointing his index finger at his brother. "Well, make sure you go to bed. We have school in a couple of hours, so try to get some sleep okay?" Roxas nodded his head and he watched as his brother left his room, closing the door softly behind him.

As soon his brother had closed the door, he threw the covers off of his legs, and jumped out of bed, moving quickly to the trashcan next to his desk, he sunk down to his knees and gripped the trashcan in his hands as the contents of his stomach emptied into the bin. He heaved heavily as he sat back on his legs, bringing the back of his hand across his mouth. He stared at the window above his bed, the sky while still dark and heavily cloaked with stars, was turning a shade lighter with pink streaking across the side. Roxas sighed to himself; going back to bed now would simply be a waste of time.

He moved towards his desk, and opened his laptop, powering it on he quickly logged in and headed to a site where there where thousands of people similar to himself. His fingers tapped against the keyboard as the sun slowly began to rise in the sky, illuminating everything that it touched and blighting out all of the shadows.

Roxas waved goodbye to his mother as she pulled away from the curb and eased into the web of morning traffic.

"Roxas! Sora!" The twins turned their head as Kairi came rushing towards, swiftly maneuvering through a sea of students, with Riku on her heels. She wrapped her arms around Roxas's neck and pulled him into a heartwarming hug. She pulled back, with a smile that was far more blinding than the sun. It was good to see Kairi smile, she was always smiling and it was a defining part of her personality. Her smile was infectious and it caused everyone around her to break out in smiles as well, no matter the mood that they were in. Roxas had never seen her with anything other than a smile, a single day in the years he had known her.

The smile from his face fell as quickly as Icarus had fallen from the sky, his soul felt as if a freight train had hit it, as an unbidden memory seemed to surface from the recess of his memory. A memory of Kairi staring at him, tears brimming in her eyes as she cradled his head against her chest, murmuring a childhood song in his hair as he was busy christening her winter coat with his tears.

"Roxas?" Roxas was snapped out of his thoughts as he glanced at the faces of his friends and brother who stared at him with worry in their eyes. "What?"

"Are you okay?" Kairi asked.

Roxas shrugged his shoulders, dodging her question with his own. "Shouldn't we get going? Doesn't first period start in a few minutes?"

Kairi's eyes widened, "crap! My first period is design! I am so totally not going to be late for that." She adjusted her satchel on her shoulder as she rocked on the balls of her feet, ready to sprint off. "We all have the same lunch period together, so we can catch up then." She stared firmly at Roxas for a few seconds, her mouth opened and closed like a hinge. There were words on her tongue, but she caught them and ran off into the crowd of students, racing towards the front door of the high school.

A warm breeze ghosted over Roxas's cheeks, he watched as it rustled the leaves of the palm trees that were placed around the campus. He could faintly smell the salt of the ocean on the breeze. He watched as his brother animatedly chatted away with Riku, who had a small smile on his face. His eyes narrowed a little as he observed them both, he was wondering when Riku was going to tell him. He took a deep breath, feeling a lot better than he had this morning and took a step forward and then another, never looking back, but always forward.

His legs ached and he panted for breath. He turned the corner at break-neck speed, his shoes skidded on the tiled floor and for a second he thought he was going to crash into a row of lockers. Sweat dripped down his neck as he raced towards the steps, taking two at a time as he cast a glance at his watch.

He was pretty certain the universe had an agenda against him. It was bad enough that his locker was on the first floor near the bathrooms, but his first class of the day was on the third floor. He had less than a minute to get to first period or he would be late and that would be bad. "Excuse me!" He shouted as he weaved himself between the students that were climbing the steps, he blindly ran up the steps, his feet barely touching down on them, when the hem of his shoe caught on the edge of the step. He started to fall forward, his hands braced out in front of him in order to catch the majority of the weight of his fall. The steps where rapidly approaching to his face, but he never met them.

Strong hands gripped his arms, "you should be more careful on the steps. You could've fallen and injured yourself." Roxas looked up at his savior. Green eyes set in a youthful face, a playful smile, and fiery red hair that was spiked at the tips and shot out in all directions. Roxas looked himself over, checking for any cuts or bruises. Roxas looked up at his savior, "I'll try to remember to be careful on the steps the next time I take them."

The red head smiled at him and stood firmly in his path. "You know cutie, I'm totally new here and I haven't gotten a tour of this school yet-" Roxas glanced at his watch. How much longer was this guy going to talk for? "So how about you show me around the school and you call that recompense for me saving your life and all."

Roxas peered around him, there were barely any students in the hallways aside from a few stragglers. "Yea, that sounds really great, but I'm kind of runnin-" a sharp shrill bell rang throughout the building, Roxas's mouth opened in a great big o. "Fuck!"

"Y'know," the red head continued to chatter away," it wouldn't hurt to learn each other's name. My name is Axe-" Roxas pushed past him,"yea, that sounds great, but I'm running a little late." Roxas bounded up the steps as he raced towards his class. "It was really great meeting you Axe!" He shouted over his shoulder as he raced down the hall, the door numbers flashed by him. 306, 307, 308, 309! That was his class! The door was still open, maybe the teacher wasn't there. Roxas burst through the door, sighing in relief to himself," I'm safe." Roxas's eyes shot open as the stark silence in the room finally hit him. His eyes swept over the room as the students stared at him with a mild mixture of confusion and amusement, his eyes fixated on Riku who sat in a seat near the window, staring at him with his eyes brows raised in question. A tall man with sun kissed skin and silver hair tied up into a messy ponytail with a strand of dark ribbon stood near the front of the room, packets in his hand. Orange eyes hidden by a pair of dark rimmed glasses, where focused solely on Roxas. "You're late because?"

"I am so sorry," Roxas began to ramble off," but my locker is on the first floor and I didn't realize the-"

The teacher cut him off with a sharp stare, " 'better three hours too soon than a minute too late'- William Shakespeare. Please take a seat, but in the future please do not be late to my class." Roxas nodded his head as he hurried over to an empty seat that was right next to Riku's own, he slid his satchel off from his shoulder and put it on the floor right next to him.

"Welcome, all of you, to your Junior year of English literature. My name is Xemnas," Xemnas walked between the rows of desks, handing out packets as he passed by. "This packet I am handing out to you shall be your sword and shield for this year, without them-" he stopped and stared at the door, the class turned their heads to stare at whomever was blocking the entryway. Roxas's eyes widened as he got a glimpse of the student who stood in the doorway.

Axel scratched the back of his head sheepishly as cracked a grin that reached his eyes. "I think I'm supposed to be in this class." He waved a yellow sheet of paper that he had in his left hand, crossing the length of the room to where Xemnas stood, he handed him the paper.

Xemnas's eyes narrowed, as he looked the paper over. "Well, it seems Axel here will be gracing this class with his presence. Please take a seat somewhere Axel." Axel's eyes scanned the classroom and stopped as they immediately rested on Roxas, his grin became wider and he walked briskly to the empty seat that just happened to be right next to Roxas's own.

Xemnas resumed handing out packets and began lecturing where he had left off. Axel twisted in his seat and cracked a cheeky grin at Roxas,"so, seems like we're both in the same class," he whispered, casting a quick glance at Xemnas.

Roxas simply nodded his head and hummed in agreement.

"So, considering that I'm new to town, would like to give me the address to your house?"

Roxas scowled and shot a confused look at Axel, "why would I do that?"

Axel smiled, "well, because-" Axel yelped in pain as a blue marker hit him in the middle of his forehead, it clattered to the floor, he rubbed his forehead where a cherry red patch of skin remained from the projectile.

Xemnas glared at him, "Casanova, next time you might want to do that on your own time and not on mine." Axel's cheeks turned the same shade as his hair as the class erupted in laughter and snickers.

"I don't get him!" Roxas sighed as he shoved a few textbooks into his locker; he glanced at Riku who leaned nonchalantly against the locker next to him, hands shoved into his pockets. A gaggle of girls passed by, and each of them poked each other as they spotted Riku, they erupted into a chorus of giggles as they neared by and one of them waved at Riku and managed to stutter out a hello. Riku glanced at them and they erupted into another fit of giggles as they ran away. "Isn't someone popular."

Riku shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, "I didn't really ask for it."

Roxas grabbed a paperback book out of his locker as he continued their previous conversation, "why is Axel so fixated on me? He keeps spouting out these weird lines. Like in organic chemistry, he told me I was made out of Copper and Tellurium. Sure, the human body contains trace amounts of copper because neither our organs nor metabolic processes would be able to function without it, but Tellurium? It's not even found in the composition of the human body!" Riku erupted in a fit of laughter; he wrapped his arms around his stomach and doubled over as laughter ripped through him.

"Riku, why are you laughing?"

Riku shook his head, wiping tears from his eyes, "you don't get it. That's what's funny."

"Don't get what?"

Riku just smiled and shook his head again, as he patted Roxas on the shoulder, "we're sitting at our regular table. I'll see you at lunch!" Riku walked away from Roxas's locker and headed towards the cafeteria. Roxas just shook his head as he shut his locker closed. He walked down the hall as he took this time to himself to organize his thoughts. He blindly turned the corner as he reached the end of the hallway. His books slipped from his arms and crashed to the floor in a pile. The two students who were lip locked together pulled apart when his books crashed to the floor. Roxas's legs began to shake. Move. Move. Move. His feet felt frozen to the spot and he suddenly felt as if all the oxygen had left his lungs, he felt like he was drowning, struggling to breathe with the knowledge that he was failing fast in the back of his mind.

The pink haired boy whispered something to the girl whose body was pressed against his; she pouted and harshly shoved him away and stomped away from him. The pink haired boy's blue eyes fixed themselves on Roxas, he smiled and began to stride over to where Roxas stood and with his long legs, and he was able to cover that distance in a matter of moments. Roxas felt like a fist was slammed into the center of his chest, he felt like he couldn't breathe as Marluxia stared at him with those sharp blue eyes of his. Memories of that night flashed and burned in Roxas's mind, he shut his eyes tightly as his eyes began to mist over with tears.

"Roxas. How are you?" Roxas pressed his lips firmly together and opened his eyes, staring directly anywhere else except at Marluxia. Marluxia's eyes narrowed and his pale pink lips drew into a smirk, he leaned forward and brought his lips close to Roxas's ear. Roxas's whole body was shaking now, he felt sick as the scent of roses wafted under his nose, it was a scent he always associated with Marluxia alone and he didn't like smelling it.

"It's nice to see you again Roxas," Marluxia whispered, "did you miss me?" Marluxia pulled back and saw the frightened look on Roxas's face, he laughed and it felt like a damn in Roxas broke.

Roxas pulled back his fist and threw it at Marluxia's face, but he just caught Roxas by the wrist. "Let go of me, you sick bastard!" Roxas screamed at the top of his lungs, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"What is going on here!?" A booming voice yelled. Roxas looked behind him to see an incredibly buff man, with platinum blond hair styled in a Caesar cut, small electric blue eyes darted between Roxas and Marluxia. He had a short goatee and multiple piercings in his ears; he looked far from Ike's average teacher. "What is going on here?" He repeated again, his gaze pointed on Marluxia, and his face was stern as he crossed his arms.

Marluxia let go of Roxas's wrist, he held his hands up in the air as a look of innocence settled onto his features. "I don't know, Mr. Luxord. He just started to attack me for no reason."

"You bastard!" Roxas stepped forward, only for Luxord to jump between both boy's, keeping them apart. "Marluxia go to wherever you need to be right now, but you-" Luxord fixed his gaze on Roxas, "are going to come with me."

Roxas walked over to where his stuff lay on the ground and bent down to pick it up as he heard footsteps begin to walk away. His hands were shaking as he picked up each item and with each second that passed, he wholeheartedly felt like he was slipping further and further down a black hole where light could hardly be seen. As he gathered his stuff up, he could almost feel Marluxia's smile and gaze, burning into his back.


	2. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So,I am posing a challenge to my readers, there's a reference made within this chapter and I want to see who can spot it first. First person to spot it get's to have a say in what scene they want to appear in chapter 4, between Axel and Roxas.

Roxas crossed his arms and stared at the window, his back pressed into the couch of the plush love seat in the teacher lounge, he could see the schoolyard and skyscrapers that dotted the city skyline, if he squinted hard enough he could almost make out the outline of the beach. A steaming mug of tea was placed on the coffee table in front of him. He didn't take it.

Luxord sat on the couch across from Roxas, his own mug of tea nestled between his hands, he leaned forward and placed his elbows on top of his knees and smiled warmly at Roxas, before he began to talk. "I know, I don't look like your stereotypical teacher," he motioned to himself, “but that's because I don't view myself as one. I view myself as a source of confidant to the students, providing them with advice-"

"Is that what you're trying to do with me?" Roxas interjected, his words leaving his mouth in a flood. "Give me _advice_?"

Luxord stared at Roxas with a look that seemed filled with pity, “if that's what you want," he replied softly.

Roxas let out a nervous laugh as he hopped to his feet and grabbed his books, “yea, well thanks, but what I want is to not be here."

Luxord gave a small inclination of his head as Roxas strode towards the door, “if that's what you want then." Roxas's hand reached out towards the doorknob, the cool metal rested in his hand as Luxord called out to him. "I'm always here or down the hall...in case you ever want to talk to someone." Roxas turned the knob and left the room.

 

"Roxas!" Roxas's eyes scanned the large crowd of bodies, until his eyes settled on Kairi. He weaved his way through the crowd, lunch tray in hand, he spotted his friends sitting at their usual table, a table covered by the shadow of palm tree that blocked out the rays of the sun and provided him and his friends with cool relief. He was crossing the courtyard, his eyes focused on the backs of his friends and then suddenly the lunch on his tray was the only thing in his field of vision. It went dark, as his face crashed into the hard packed dirt of the courtyard. He lifted his head up and his fingers curled into the palm of his hands as cold milk splattered down on his head, drenching it and flattening it out, his hair fell into his eyes and the scent of milk filled his nose as it dripped from his hair and streaked down his face.

The courtyard was quiet. So quiet, he could hear only the rustling of the leaves on the trees. The milk was soaking into the collar of his shirt and dropping into the pale red earth. "Oops. I didn't quite see you there." Demyx smirked as he shook the milk carton, the last few droplets of milk soaking themselves into Roxas's hair. The silence was crippling, but the glass shattered and each shard was embedded into his skin when peals of laughter rose in the courtyard. Roxas's jaw trembled as his fingers curled towards his palm, dragging the earth with him and coating his hands in thin red dust.

"Riku! Wait!" Roxas looked up to see Riku getting up from the table, his eyes were narrow and dark, his jaw clenched and fists hanging loosely at his sides, like he was ready to punch someone. He crossed the courtyard in long strides to where Demyx stood. "Demyx," he said as he tugged up the sleeves of his shirt, his right arm pulled back...and Demyx stumbled to the ground, his cheek as red as a ripe strawberry. Axel stood over him, his eyes hooded and his normally mint green eyes now a dark green. A brief shadow fell over him as a lone cloud blotted out the sun. There was a terse silence in the courtyard as Axel crossed his arms over his chest; he cocked his head to the side.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" His voice was low and hard at the edges, like a serrated knife. One wrong move and you would find yourself cut.

Demyx cradled his cheek in his hand, one of his numerous fan girls rushed to his side fawning over his injury. "I should be the one asking you that," he shot back, he pulled his hand away from his cheek," when my dad hears about this, he'll sue you for everything you got. That is if you even have anything."

Axel scoffed and pressed his chin against his chest, he chuckled.

"What the hell's so funny, freshman?"

"Pieces of shit like you who think they can just get away with everything by flashing a bit of money and making threats." Axel scowled, his eyes narrowing further and darkening another shade, "if you think I'm scared, I'm not. I devour people like you for breakfast."

"What is going on here?" Saix's eyes surveyed the courtyard. His eyes fell on Demyx and Axel and then to Roxas who was still sitting in the dirt, his milk stained clothes were beginning to dry and Kairi was pressing napkins to his hair and wherever else he was soaked with milk. "I'll repeat myself, what exactly is going on here?”

Axel smiled, a grin that reached his eyes, he unfolded his arms and scratched the back of his neck. "I just seemed to have bumped into my good old friend here and he ended up hurting himself. Right?" His eyes flickered to Demyx and gave him a pointed stare.

Demyx begrudgingly nodded, “that’s what happened."

Saix's lips set into a thin line, his eyebrows furrowed together. "Well make sure a problem like this doesn't occur again. I don't think either of you would like to spend your first week at school serving a detention on your Saturday would you? I wouldn't think so." Saix spun on his heels, halted for a few brief seconds and turned his head to stare at Demyx. "Mr. Demyx if I ever hear that you’re bullying a fellow student, I promise that the punishment you'll receive shall be far more serious than just a weekend detention." With that said, Saix walked away.

Demyx pushed himself up off the ground, his fan girls flocked around him. He strode towards Axel with a cocky grin on his face. "If I was you, I'd watch my back." he pointed to his cheek, "ruining a face like this comes with a price." Demyx sauntered away, his fan girls giggling at something he said while flexing his biceps.

Axel made a face and put up both of his middle fingers at Demyx's retreating back. He turned towards Roxas, his hand reached out towards him, a simple touch on the shoulder, “hey are you o-"

"Don't touch me!" Roxas snapped as he smacked Axel's hand away from his shoulder. He swallowed thickly, his throat having suddenly become dry. He looked down at his hands. Why was the world suddenly so shaky? Was it an earthquake? He felt a pair of soft hands grab his face.

Kairi kneeled in front of him; her hair falling into her eyes that where shadowed with worry. “Roxas what's going on? You're shaking."

Her voice sounded far away, distorted. Like he was submerged in water, slowly drowning underneath the sea. His whole body was wracked with shivers, he could feel beads of sweat rolling down from his temple, and he felt ill, his face blanching and turning as pale as a ghost.

He couldn't be here. Acid burned in his throat as he lurched forward on his knees. There were too many people crowding around him now, he could hear someone call for a teacher. He jumped to his feet, he could someone wrap their hand around his wrist, he broke his wrist from their grasp and turned, his feet off the ground before he could even think. He heard someone yell out his name, as he raced away from the crowd. He dashed threw the cafeteria, threw open the doors and made it into the hallway. His head was swimming and his stomach was wringing itself into a series of knots and twists. His feet were off the floor once more and he was racing down the hall, everything was a blur around him as he ran and ran for what seemed like an eternity, his hand pushed open the bathroom door, which was thankfully empty. He supposed there where some smaller miracles working in his favor.

He made his way into one of the stalls and slid the lock shut behind him; he bowed in front of the toilet as the contents of his stomach emptied into the porcelain basin until there was nothing left, his body felt empty and wrong as he flushed the toilet. He swallowed thickly and pressed his back to the wall of the stall; he sunk to his knees and pressed his head into his hands. He felt so empty right now, like clawed fingers were piercing his soul and digging in deep, pulling parts of him away until he was a shattered broken mess. His head thumped against the wall, again and again until that was the only sound in the room, a strangled cry rose in his throat as his eyes glazed over with tears.

The door to the bathroom creaked open. "Roxas?" Sora called out as he stepped into the bathroom, the door swung shut behind him.

"Go away." Roxas croaked out. "I want to be alone."

Sora stood at the stall of the door, "I'm not going anywhere. We need to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you," Roxas snapped, "I don't want to talk to anyone right now."

A thick silence filled the bathroom. Roxas could hear his own heart beating in his chest.

"You don't have to talk, Roxas. I won't force you to, but just know that I'm your brother and you can talk to me about anything you want and no matter what you say or tell me will change the fact that I love you."

Sora's eyebrows rose in surprise as the stall door swung outwards. Tears were streaming down Roxas's cheeks as he launched himself at his brother. Roxas pressed his face into his brother's neck and arms wrapped around him. Sora wrapped his arms around his brother’s waist as he held him closer, resting his cheek on the others head, as the two remained in companionable silence, aside from the occasional sniffling.

Roxas sliced through the silence, “do you want to skip school?"

Sora pulled away from his brother, giving him a look of confusion and disbelief. "You? You want to skip school?" Sora grasped his brother's shoulders in his hands and pushed him away from him in order to get a good look. "Who are you and what otherworldly dimension did you send my brother to?"

Roxas rolled his eyes as he wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his shirt. "I just...can't be here right now. So do you mind if we go somewhere else?"

Sora smiled at him, “I’ve got the perfect place in mind."

 

"Why is he here?" Roxas cast a furtive glance at the red headed boy whose leg was currently touching his own.

Axel pressed a hand against his heart and made a face as if he had just been shot, "I'm wounded. I can't come along and enjoy a day with a beautiful angel such as yourself?"

Roxas's eyes glanced at the rear view mirror, only to meet with Riku's own. Riku quickly glanced away as his attention snapped back to his brother. Sora was fiddling with the radio and was making a joke about the song that had just come on, an annoying pop tune that Roxas had heard a hundred times this summer. Riku cracked a smile as he stared at the lane ahead of him. Roxas stared at Kairi out of the corner of his eye, who was sitting with him in the back seat of Riku's car on his other side. She glanced at him and they shared a silent message between them both.

Roxas was wondering when the wedding would be. It was nearly an hour drive from the high school to the city, considering that they had left in the afternoon when traffic leading to the city was its busiest.

"So where exactly are we going?" Axel asked as he peered out the window to take in the surroundings.

"A special shop that all of us have gone to since we were babies. I think every person on the island has gone here at least once in their life." Sora answered as Riku turned onto a side street, lined with small shops and fruit vendors. They traveled for a few minutes, until they stopped and Riku parked his car in front of a small ice cream parlor that was nestled between a small mechanics shop and a pharmacy.

The group got out of the car; Roxas stepped onto the sidewalk, thankful that he was free from the cramped backseat. A young man wearing a large blue oversized jacket- that Roxas thought was quite odd, considering the hot temperature for today-with hair with the same color bumped into him, muttering a quick apology as he moved around him, before heading into the mechanics shop.

The group walked towards the ice cream parlor with Riku leading the way, he pushed open the parlor's door, the bell jingled as they all stepped into the small parlor that on its busiest day could hardly hold more than 20 people at a time.

A large portly man with a thin, wispy mustache and a tight grey cap of hair laughed jovially as the group of teens walked in. Roxas thought that he looked exactly like a real life version of Santa Claus. A red apron was wrapped around the old man's body, that made the teen smile to himself. "What would you children like today?" The jovial man announced in a large booming voice as the teens approached the counter.

"Five sea salt ice creams, please." Riku replied as he reached into his back pocket for his wallet.

Roxas spotted Axel fanning himself out of the corner of his eye, “Axe, what are you doing?"

Axel stopped fanning himself and his lips pulled into a smirk, he moved closer to Roxas and poked him in the middle of the forehead with his index finger, “the name's Axel not Axe. Got it memorized?" He resumed fanning himself, “I was fanning myself, because it's so hot in here...because you're making me melt."

Roxas stared at him with utter confusion on his face. He could hear laughter behind him, he turned his head to see Kairi, and Sora doubled over their knees in laughter. He felt something cold being pressed against his cheek and turned to grab the ice cream from Riku's hand.

Riku gave Axel a look, a small smile on his face and just shook his head as he handed out the remaining ice creams. The group left the shop, choosing to travel to a local park near the parlor where they could eat their ice cream.

Roxas closed his eyes for a moment as he suckled on the cold treat in his mouth, the day was reasonably warm and there was a cool breeze coming from the sea. He could feel a cloud roll slowly across the sky, blotting out the strong rays of the sun for a few brief moments, before it rolled away. He felt content just lying here, with his friends and Axel, who did help him out with Demyx, but Roxas wasn't too sure what to consider him. Stranger? Acquaintance? Friend? He didn't want to put too much effort into the thought, he opened his eyes to look up at the vivid blue sky. The breeze was coming in a little stronger now, and there was a faint smell of rain being carried by the wind. He waited, and then it came. A peal of thunder that crackled across the sky and then another and another after it, it was so loud he thought he went deaf for a few seconds. He sat up, pulling the ice cream from his mouth, it had shrank a bit, he watched as grey clouds rolled in on the horizon, the ice cream melted slightly, the juices running down his hand.

There was a charged feeling in the air, he thought to himself as the hairs on his arms stood up. There was another loud peal of thunder that seemed to shake the sky as grey clouds rolled across more quickly than before, blotting out every ounce of blue that was once there before.

 

Roxas slammed the front door behind him. Removing his satchel from his head, he scowled at it as water dripped from the soggy material; he chucked it near the door, kicking off his shoes along the way as he headed for the stairs. After a long car ride home, with Kairi being dropped off at her house first and an even longer ride to his house that entailed a whole slew of odd and interesting phrases from Axel's mouth that he would never admit to anyone was slightly growing on him...slightly. He was glad to be home; not having to face his parents for the night was promising. His eyes spied a yellow sticky note posted on his bedroom door. He read it over, looked like his parents would be out for a few days.

He peeled the note off the door, and pushed it open; he tossed the note into the trash bin and started to unbutton the shirt that was clinging to his skin. His hair was dripping into his eye. He had the whole house to himself for the night. His brother was spending the night at Riku's. Considering the multiple glances he and Kairi had shared on the car ride home, he knew Riku was definitely planning to tell Sora how he felt. He popped the button of his jeans and kicked them off his legs or at least that's what he thought, his brother could be oblivious sometimes and extremely oblivious when it came to anything dealing with love.

He ran a hand through his wet hair, feeling droplets cascade down his bare back. He went to his dresser and grabbed a pair of comfortable boxers and a gray t-shirt, putting them on; he made his way to his bed and lied down on the bed, his hands laced under his head as he stared up at the ceiling. He listened to the silence of the house and then his own heartbeat for a while, the darkness of the room slowly started to weigh on him, his eyes fluttered open and closed and his head sank into his pillow a he fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you made it to the end of the chapter, be on the lookout, because the next chapters going to include a POV switch, that just might make everything more steamy in the story...or not.


	3. Communication

Riku swallowed the lump down in his throat as he toweled off his hair, fresh from the shower, a thick hot mist still lingered in the room. He draped the towel around his neck as he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. He guessed now was better than later.

Riku opened the bathroom door, some of the hot mist floated out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. His eyes rested on the nape of Sora's neck as the young teen leaned forward on the bed. He wondered what it would feel like to run his lips over his best friend's neck, to leave red marks all over his skin and watch him become red-faced and undone with just kisses and touches alone.

Riku bite his lip, he could feel his groin heating up and getting a hard on while your friend was in the room was definitely not something he wanted happening. He sighed to himself, which caught the attention of Sora who turned his head to stare at him. Sora grinned at him. "I was wondering when you'd get out of the shower. The movie just started."

Riku nodded; walking over towards the bed, he sat down next to Sora and attempted to focus on the movie. It was an old time Kung Fu movie; one of Sora's favorites and a movie he had forced Riku to watch over a thousand times. Instead, Riku found himself focusing very little on the film, but more on Sora instead.

His heart was beating fast in his chest. He watched Sora laugh at something that had happened in the movie. He became focused on Sora's lips; they were as plush and red as strawberries. They looked incredibly soft and he was wondering what it would feel like to kiss those lips. He hardly knew what he was doing; everything seemed too hazy as he leaned closer to Sora. His lips parted, his hand reached outwards to cup the back of Sora's head. "Riku. What are you doing?" Suddenly he was pulled out of his daze; Sora's eyes were boring into his.

He pulled back away from Sora, suddenly so that it startled him. Sora cocked his head to the side, his eyes studying Riku. "Are you okay? You've been acting strange all day."

Riku shook his head, "it's nothing." He said, jumping up from the bed. "I need to go to the bathroom." He quickly rushed away from Sora and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind himself. He looked down at himself, a bulge pressed against the cloth of his boxers. He groaned to himself, was fantasizing about kissing his friend just enough to get him turned on? He bit his lower lip as he gripped himself; he shut his eyes and pressed his back to the door. He rubbed his palm over the bulge and pressed his tongue against the roof of his mouth as a groan threatened to push past his lips.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and his eyes were flying open. "Riku? You've been in there for a while-"

"I'm fine!" He managed to stutter out, pulling his hand away from himself. "I'm fine!" He could feel his erection dying down. He pressed the palm of his hand to his forehead. How the hell did he end up here? Lusting after a friend who was oblivious to his feelings? Who was straighter than a god damn straight line?

He felt so fucked up.

 

It had started when they were six.

When their mother's had teased them, just as all mothers did. "They’re going to be such ladies men when they grow up." Sora's mother had said.

Parents never understood how much their words weighed or the affect it had on their children, just how much it can really affect them.

He was seven when those words came back to haunt him, he had been on the school's courtyard. It was recess; all the boys were running away from the girls. It was some stupid game they played as children; he hardly remembered the name of it anyway. Sora was beside him as they ran; he didn't see when a girl grabbed onto Sora's arm. She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and ran away, leaving Sora with a face that was turning as red as the cherry pie his mother would sometimes make. Sora was grinning like a fool, his smile as wide as his face. A girl ran up to him as well, goaded on by her friends and pressed a kiss to his cheek. It was wet and he thought it was gross, but not as gross as getting glue on your hands, it was worse than that. He felt like he was going to be sick.

He was eight when Sora and he were sleeping in the same bed. He thought it was nice and comfortable, that he could spend the rest of his life doing nothing but that. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Sora.

He was nine when his mother took him to a friend's wedding. On the car ride home, he had asked her all sorts of questions. One of them being why the groom had kissed his best friend.

He was ten when he noticed the differences between girls and boys. He learned in all the stories that the boys were supposed to be brave and strong, that always had to save the girl at the end and live happily ever after with them.

He didn't want that.

He was fifteen when he learned what sex was all about. Sora had been over his house, his mother had been out and they both were looking up videos on the computer. It didn't take either of them long, before they stumbled on some cheesy straight porn. He remembered the look of delight and intrigue on Sora's face as he watched the two sweaty bodies on screen gyrate against each other. He wasn't too sure what he was supposed to be feeling, but he felt disgusted.

He was also fifteen when he learned about sex in school. They split up the boy's from the girl; they had a teacher explain to them why sex was about. How to be safe, how to put on a condom, and how it worked between a couple with a penis and a vagina. They had never gone over what to do if the couple both had penises.

He was sixteen when he discovered the pleasures of masturbation. He had been jerking off; his eyes squeezed shut as he attempted to imagine what Kairi looked like naked. The breasts had changed to a flat chest and the hair had become more spiky and gravity defying, soon Riku found himself jerking off to his best friend. He had felt a huge whole in his chest when his eyes snapped open and he found he had cum into his hand. He spent all night attempting to figure out how he felt.

He didn't feel guilty for having jerked off to his friend.  He felt relief. It took him until midnight and a few thousand Google searches later to figure out what he was. Gay. That word had felt heavy on his tongue, it was a word all the boy's used, but never meant. A word to describe something that was too feminine for them. Gay. He was gay.

His mother had found him in his room, an hour later, crying in front of his laptop. Tears had soaked her nightgown as he explained to her his newfound sexuality. He had expected her not to understand, had expected her to kick him out the house. She had stroked his hair and murmured childhood songs into his ears.

It didn't take him long to find that he was in love with his best friend, or that he was severely unattainable, that was a fact that slapped him in the face repeatedly.

Riku's leaned back against the side of the bed as he took a seat on the floor. Sora was beside him, his head resting on Riku's shoulder as he shoved a spoonful of sea salt ice cream into his mouth. "Do you ever get sick of that stuff?" Riku wondered aloud as he watched his friend shove three spoonful’s into his mouth in quick succession, before swallowing it all down to answer him.

"Never. I'll eat this until I'm old and can't even lift up a spoon." Sora chuckled as he scooped up a spoonful of ice cream and offered the cold treat to Riku who great fully accepted it.

It was nice, just sitting here like this, Riku thought to himself, taking an opportunity to glance over at Sora who was busy polishing off the last remnants of the tub of ice cream. Getting the feeling that he was being watched, Sora's eyes flicked to Riku, he pulled the spoon from his mouth and gave Riku a confused stare. "What? Is there something on my face?"

Riku swallowed as he leaned in closer towards Sora.

"Riku? What are you doing?" Sora said as he leaned backward away from Riku.

Riku paused, a storm rolling beneath his skin. "...I like you." The words were there, tossed out into the open air, a hope and a prayer attached to them. Riku waited as Sora sat there, staring at him intently...before his lips turned up and he was laughing into his hand. "I love you too Riku. You're the best friend I have." Sora pushed himself off the floor and left the bedroom.

Riku groaned to himself, knocking his head backwards against the bed as he dragged a hand down his face. He stood up, grabbing his phone off his nightstand; he shot Roxas a quick text and placed his phone back down.

Hopefully Roxas was awake.

 

Roxas woke with a start as a soft jingle filled the room. He groaned as he grabbed his phone off the pillow next to his head. He swiped across the screen, unlocking his phone and squinted as he stared at Riku’s message. _Failed_. It was the only word that Riku had texted him, but it wasn’t too hard for him to understand what happened. Roxas sighed as he placed the phone back onto his pillow and fell into a deep sleep.

 

Roxas watched as Xemnas paced the front of the room, reading one of Shakespeare’s sonnets.

“I’m sorry about my brother,” Roxas whispered to Riku.

Riku shook his head, “it’s fine.” He muttered. Roxas knew it wasn’t fine, he knew how his friend felt and he felt bad that his twin was the most oblivious person on the planet, not being able to notice how your friend felt about you.

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Roxas watched as Riku gathered up his things and hightailed it out of class.

It didn’t surprise Roxas when Riku didn’t show up to lunch. Kairi had glanced over at him and just looking into his eyes had been enough for her to know what had happened. He wasn’t surprised at all either when he barely saw Riku for the rest of the day as well.

Roxas sighed as he let the cold water run over his fingers in the men’s bathroom. Maybe he should talk to his brother, but it wasn’t his business to tell. Roxas shut off the pipe and turned around, he was startled when a hand slammed into the glass above him, pinning him between the sink and Marluxia’s body.

Marluxia smiled at him, his eyes bright and cheerful. He stared at Roxas with hooded eyes. “I heard what happened between you and Demyx yesterday.” Roxas looked away from his face; he knew that tone of voice. Marluxia wanted something and he was determined to get it. Marluxia removed one of his hands from the bathroom mirror; he smiled as he let a single finger slide down Roxas’s cheek. Roxas cringed at the touch. “How about I make it up to you?”

Roxas shivered as he felt Marluxia’s hand slide down to his waist, he was so close to him. Marluxia leaned forward his lips parted, but he stopped, a startled look on his face when the door to the bathroom slammed open, smacking into the wall. Axel stepped into the bathroom as he let the door swing shut behind him. His eyes flickered between Roxas and Marluxia.

“What are you doing?” His voice was curt and low.

Marluxia smiled, before pushing himself away from Roxas. “I was just talking to my friend here.”

Axel glared at him. “Really? Well, your _friend_ doesn’t look like he wants to talk to you anytime soon, so I suggest that you leave.”

Roxas watched both of them; the air was tense in the bathroom. Marluxia shrugged his shoulders; he walked to the bathroom door, knocking his shoulder against Axel’s on the way out.

Roxas let a sigh of relief escape his lips. “What are you doing in here? Don’t you have a class right now?”

Axel grinned cheekily, “maybe I do. I saw Marluxia leave class as soon our teacher walked out to print off copies of a homework assignment. I don’t like him nor do I trust him, so I left and followed him. What’s his deal with you anyway?”

Roxas shook his head, swallowing thickly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Axel frowned, “well you were shaking like a leaf when he was close to you. Is he bullying you or something?”

Roxas shook as the memories of that night flashed in his mind. “It’s nothing.” He lied. “It’s nothing.”


	4. Rid me of these Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been neglecting this story a bit and I'm really sorry for that, but these next few weeks I can promise that we'll be hitting a few major plot points that I've drafted up.

Roxas woke with a start, sweat was dripping on his skin as he gripped the collar of his shirt with his hand. He felt for a few moments, that it was hard for him to breathe as he attempted to shake off the lingering feelings that came with the nightmare.

            He grabbed his phone and turned the screen on, he squinted momentarily as the room was flooded in harsh, blinding light from the screen of the phone. It was barely 2 in the morning and he was already wide awake, not wanting to go back to sleep. The nightmare still running its chilly course through his veins. He groaned as he placed his phone back onto the nightstand and fell back into bed, his hands covering his eyes as the sweat soaking his clothes began to chill.

            It had been a month since the beginning of his junior year of high school, and even longer still when the…incident had happened. He couldn’t sit in his room all night, festering in this dark room. He got up from his bed and walked out of his room, heading to the kitchen, he opened the freezer and was appreciative that his mother had decided to go shopping early this week. He pulled out a tub of sea salt ice cream and grabbed a spoon from the kitchen drawer, sitting down at the kitchen table, he popped off the lid from the container of ice cream and dug in. He sighed in content as the frozen treat managed to take his mind away from the events of his dream, well somewhat at least, he thought to himself as he shoveled another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

            The past month of high school had grateful, to his taste passed by in a whirlwind. School while his classes were fun and he liked all of his teachers had become a constant source of terror for him, Marluxia and his friends being the number one constant reason. Nearly every morning he woke up, with dread in his belly like it was a thick metal bullet.

            “What are you doing down here?” Roxas turned around as the light to the kitchen was flipped on, he squinted as he spied his twin brother standing near the entrance of the kitchen. His hair was a mess and stuck up in different directions, he sleepily shuffled over to the table and grabbed the spoon from his brother’s hand and scooped some of the ice cream out, before placing the spoon in his own mouth. “Are you okay? You weren’t in your room.” Sora talked around a mouthful of the ice cream, before swallowing it.

            Sora smiled at his brother, noting the dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in a good while. “I feel like I should be asking you that.” His brother shrugged, skimming ice cream from off the top and shoving the spoon in his mouth. His brother didn’t want to talk about it or rather refused to. From what he knew and what Kairi had texted him, his brother and Riku’s relationship had gone sour, though he knew the reason behind the cause well enough.

            “Now, stop trying to make everything about me. I believe I was asking you why you’re up so late?”

            Roxas stalled, getting up from his seat to head to the kitchen drawers to retrieve another spoon. “It’s nothing.” He said as he walked back to his seat and avoided saying anything more. He dug into the ice cream as he could feel his brother’s gaze watching every move he made. “Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on with you? You’ve been waking up a lot at night…screaming. I know you’re not okay. So if you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you we can,” Sora reached for his brother’s hand, taking it into his own, he squeezed it.

            Roxas stared at his brother; he really stared at him, taking in the dark circles, the sleepy, strained smile and the two of them sitting at the kitchen table in the wee mornings of the hour’s because both of them were going through rough times, but still his brother was there for him even if he didn’t know what exactly was going on. Roxas could feel is eyes stinging as tears started to build up in them. He opened his mouth to speak-

            “Boys,” their mother walked into the kitchen, tugging the folds of her robe closed as she crossed her arms over one another. “What are you two doing in here? You have school tomorrow.” Roxas quickly brushed his tears away with a finger.

            “Sorry mom,” Sora quickly replied, “we were just hungry.”

            She pouted, glancing between her two sons, “fine, but don’t eat ice cream so late at night, it’ll give you stomach cramps. Both of you go to your bed when you’re finished.” She bid them both goodnight as she headed up back to bed.

            Sora turned his attention back to his brother as he heard the door to his parents’ bedroom shut. “What were you going to say?”

            Roxas shook his head, “maybe another time.” He was wondering when that would be.

 

            Roxas leaned against the row of lockers, he watched as a group of seniors hung up some flyers on a wall. He turned his attention to Riku who was putting his books away in his locker. “You should really talk to him. This is getting out of hand.” He nearly jumped out of his shoes when Riku slammed his locker shut, he glanced at the seniors down the hall who jumped at the noise to causing some of the flyers to sail into the air and come falling to the floor. Riku glared at him, as if talking to his brother was on his list of things that he wasn’t planning to accomplish any time soon. Riku turned on his heel and began to walk down the hallway, Roxas pushed himself off of the lockers and stalked after Riku, attempting to keep up with the older boy’s stride. “Seriously. I get how you’re feeling Riku, but don’t you think this is a little extreme?”

            Riku suddenly stopped in the middle of the hallway, Roxas had to skid to a stop to avoid from crashing into his back. “Extreme? I don’t think so. What’s extreme is the fact that your brother doesn’t understand the fact that someone genuinely has feelings for him.”

            Roxas scoffed, “you’re over exaggerating. My brother may be a little…oblivious.” Riku raised a brow at that, “okay he’s super oblivious, but you two need to sit down and talk that’s the only way you can actually get him to listen to you and understand how you feel.”

            Riku sighed, as he glanced at Roxas, his features softened a little. “Fine, I’ll give it a try.” Roxas smiled at him as the two continued down the hallway, rounding a corner. They both stopped dead in their tracks.

            Naminé, Kairi’s cousin, was standing close to Sora. Their heads pressed together, close enough that they were kissing. The two were intently talking to one another, their conversation laced with soft laughs and giggles filled with jokes that the two of them had shared and that they only understood. Naminé laughed at something Sora said, she lifted her hand slightly so that it was covering her mouth, there were tears springing to the corners of her eyes. She glanced up, saw Riku and Roxas and whispered something to Sora, who turned around. His eyes lit up when he spotted his brother, a smile on his lips. His smile fell slightly when he saw Riku standing next to his brother. He walked slowly towards them with Naminé at his side, he gave Riku a quick, curt nod of his head. Riku gave one back and watched as Naminé muttered a soft hello to both he and Roxas.

            Sora smiled at his brother, a grin that reached his eyes and extended from ear to ear. “Hey Roxas, guess what?”

            Roxas glanced at his brother and then to Riku and back to his brother again. “What?”

            He watched as Sora placed an arm around Naminé’s shoulder, pulling her closer towards him. His eyes widened in shock, as he glanced quickly at Riku and watched the older teens face remain stoic, but his eyes told Roxas everything he needed to know as they became darker and cloudy. He suddenly felt like his brother was underwater, that everything he was saying was coming at him ten times slower. “Naminé asked me out. So now we’re dating.”

            “Riku! No!” Roxas grabbed at Riku’s arm, but the older teen wrenched himself away as he spun on his heels. His face contorted in anger and disgust. “Riku, please wait.”

            Riku spun on him, his brows were pressed together and his eyes were wild and dark with hurt and anger. “Don’t do that!” Roxas cowered a little, his eyes went wide at the sudden outburst, the few students who were in the hall stopped and stared. “Don’t attempt to fix my problems when you haven’t even fixed yours.” Those words stung like a blow, Roxas glared at Riku.

            “What the hell do you mean by that?” His voice had dropped a few octaves, until it was barely a whisper, he could see the flicker of shame in Riku’s eyes, before the older teen just shook his head and walked away.

            “Geez, what the hell is his problem?” Sora glared at Riku’s retreating back, he held out a hand towards Roxas, who knocked it away.

            “Don’t. Just please don’t.” He whispered, walking away from his bother and Naminé. His legs were shaking as he walked down the hall.

            Riku knew. Riku fucking knew.

 

            Roxas laughed aloud as he and Axel walked off the school ground.

            “Alright, wait, I have another one that’s sure to get you. Are you an angel? Cause your texture mapping is divine.” Roxas laughed again, he was really beginning to enjoy the company of the red-headed teen. The two of them were walking together after school, because Riku right now needed some space and neither Kairi, Sora or he were going to bother him for a ride home, especially him and his brother. What Riku had said to him early in the hallway had kept him on edge all day, his stomach had twisted itself into knots. Sora had gone to Naminé’s house and Kairi was staying after school for some personal project. So Axel and Roxas were left to walk together.

            Roxas smiled at Axel. “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

            Axel blushed, he turned his face away as he scratched at the back of his neck, “uh-”

            Roxas chuckled at Axel’s blush, watching the teen turn as red as his hair. He heard the roar of a car engine, the sound was loud and rumbled like thunder. He watched as a red sports car, raced down the street, the window rolled down and Marluxia smiled at him for a quick second before the car rolled by. He suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe, like his throat was being constricted and every second that passed by made it more difficult for him to even take a breath. He staggered, his hand reaching out to grip anything. He felt warm fingers wrap around his own, as Axel stared at him with a genuine look of concern on his face. His body jerked as he suddenly felt like ice had coated every inch of his limbs. Warm hands cupped his face, Axel stooped down until his face was in eyesight of Roxas’s. “You’re having a panic attack. Just focus on the sound of my voice.”

            Roxas shut his eyes, concentrating on the sound of Axel’s voice. He worked on his breathing; breathing in and out every five seconds, on a continuous cycle as he listened to the smooth tones of Axel’s voice. He could feel his heart slowing down, returning to its regular beat as his breathing returned to normal. “That’s right, just focus on the sound of my voice.” Roxas slowly opened his eyes, peering into Axel’s green reflective orbs he could feel his heart skip a beat. What was that? Was he having another panic attack?

            “You okay now?” Axel asked him. Roxas nodded, quickly looking away from his face. They continued walking on their way. Roxas glanced repeatedly at Axel’s face as they walked, his heart was thumping loudly in his chest. What was this feeling? Why was his heart beating so fast?


End file.
